Reckoning with Demons

Mia was sitting in the living room of the Clapham house she still shared with Ellie when she heard the key turn in the lock of the front door.

Until that moment, Mia had been thinking about the past week. The last few days had been quiet. Too quiet.

Mia had resisted the urge to call or message Joe. His only message had arrived on Monday.

Hi, we need to talk. Giorgios. 3pm. Thursday?

She had written and re-written many replies without ever hitting send. Finally, she had settled on "OK".

Other social contact had been limited. One text and one call.

Spike: Mia, I heard something bad happened. I know what it's like to be on the outside, if you need to talk, let me know

Mia was not ready for Spike right now.

The previous night Mia had called Ben. He felt like a friend. She had dialled his number without being sure what she was looking for. Ben was Joe's friend and ally, and he had always been caring and supportive. Of course, he knew intimate details about Mia, which worried her, but he had always been discreet. During their intense relationship, Joe had opened her eyes to many new experiences, and she had embraced them fully. Ben had been involved in some of those experiences.

But that was not her reason for the call. Truthfully, without Joe that part of her life seemed pointless. To regain that direction, she needed Joe back. Then she could try to understand what had happened.

The real reason she had called Ben was simple. He was connected to Joe. Talking to Ben felt like touching the edge of Joe without risking rejection.

Ben had been kind but he remained emotionally detached. Mia ended the call without the reassurance she had hoped for.

Now Ellie was back and it was time for Mia to face the fallout from last week's blow-up on the boat. Ellie had unravelled in a way none of them were prepared for, and the damage had spread wider than anyone expected. Joe especially — he had taken it hard.

Mia looked up as Ellie entered the living room and dumped her backpack on the floor. Ellie looked much as always at a glance, but her Mediterranean colouring was even darker than normal, her dark curls more unkempt and her piercing green eyes just a little faded.

"Hi El, welcome home." She tried to smile, at least she was making an effort.

"Hi, Mia. It's so good to see you. I'm really happy you are here. I wanted to call you all week but I couldn't bring myself to do it."

"Can I sit down?"

"El, it is your house" El sat on the sofa next to Mia, close but not too close.

"I feel like crap. I can't believe I said those things, I am so sorry"

Mia held up a hand to stop her friend from talking.

"El, I know. I get it."

"It wasn't all your fault."

"Joe made mistakes,"

"I made mistakes."

"Please just drop it. It happened, we need to get past it. I need to get past it and I don't want to lose my best friend" Even if she acted like a total bitch. Mia managed to keep that last bit inside her head.

Instead, she said "I'm trying to get myself sorted out. You're still my BFF. Ok?"

Ellie looked at Mia for a second. She saw the necklace she had given Mia for her birthday, She still had hers on too. She nodded gently. "Ok, but I'm still going to say sorry every day for the next hundred years."

El drew a large breath and tried to look positive.

"How's Joe doing?"

Mia looked at Ellie and battled to keep her face under control.

"I haven't seen him."

Ellie stared at Mia with a look of horror mixed with genuine surprise.

"Mia, I'm so" Mia held up her hand again "El, please don't"

"Mia, if he is not here there is a solid reason. I said some shitty stuff, really shitty stuff, I was messed up, no excuse but it's true. But I have seen him, how he looks at you, how he is with you. He will be back. I have no doubt."

"He asked me to meet him tomorrow at Giorgios"

"You are going?" Ellie paused and grabbed Mia's hand "You have to go!"

"El, I would go to the moon if I had to! Of course I'm going. This last week I have felt worse than empty. What I had, I need to get it back. We need to figure out our problems together, we can't do that if we are apart. We need to find out what our long term will be."

"I'm going and I will tell him what I want and I'm not going to let him go!" Mia knew she had just used her mother's advice. She didn't care if she was being original. She didn't care if it sounded contrived. That's how she felt.

***

Chapter 2 - Re-Reacquaintance

Joe was sitting at their table inside Giorgios.

He had chosen Giorgios, when he first lived in London, because it hid in plain sight — just off High Holborn, down a side street most people passed without noticing. Back then he had worked in an office around the corner. Italy had still been a plan, not a reality, and Giorgios had felt like a fragment of the life he intended to build.

Now he was back in London after eight years in Italy. The skyline had shifted, glass and steel rising where memory insisted older buildings once stood. London had changed. Giorgios had not.

If anything, it felt smaller. More deliberate. Less like Italy itself and more like a memory of it.

From the outside it was almost forgettable — green awning, narrow frontage, a bell that announced arrivals whether you wanted it to or not. Inside, though, nothing had moved on. Dark wood. Marble-topped tables set slightly too close together. The old Gaggia machine still hissing behind the zinc counter like it owned the place. The air carried coffee, pastry, and the faint, permanent echo of another decade.

Giorgios had a way of holding moments still, of letting conversations land heavier than intended. For Joe, it wasn't nostalgia that tightened his chest — it was recognition. This was where he had first seen her change. And he knew she would remember that too.

He had rehearsed his opening speech over and over. He had dressed the way Mia would recognise instantly: a simple dark blue business suit, white button-up shirt. Not too casual. Not too corporate. Deliberate without appearing so.

He had arrived forty-five minutes early. No Tube delays. The required table was unoccupied. No variables he could control left unattended. The journey to Holborn had been uneventful. The table was free. The words were prepared.

You can't stop the rain, he thought, but you can choose where you stand in it.

His only doubt remains.

Am I ready?

The doorbell clanged gently as Mia walked in. Joe looked at her and lost focus of the room. She looked like Mia. She looked like everything he ever wanted. She was wearing a long raincoat, open, above jeans and the cream cashmere top he had bought her a couple of months ago. Her blonde hair was still long but she had added a wave which suited her well. Her blue eyes were shining. Immediately he worried that she had been crying before coming into the café. A pain shot straight through his chest. He didn't want to cause any more pain. He had retreated eleven days ago in order to stop being the fault.

The necklace that Ellie had given her for her birthday glinted in the late summer light.

***

Mia walked into the café in a confused state. She had chosen her clothes carefully. She wanted to look good for Joe, but not as though she had tried too hard. Ellie had helped with her hair — a brave attempt to make it look like the past week had been a good one. Before pushing through the door, she had caught her reflection and quickly dried her eyes.

She was desperate to see him.

She was also angry.

Angry that he had left her alone last week. Angry that he had disappeared from her life for eleven days, with nothing but a single text to prove he was still alive.

She saw him instantly. The same dirty-blonde hair, now more noticeably grey at the temples. Still taller than most of the men around him, well built without excess. Still tanned. Dressed in his familiar I'm serious but not too serious uniform.

But there was something new — strain around his eyes. It could have been lack of sleep. It could have been worry.

The angry part of her hoped it was both.

Joe stood as she approached and pulled her into a hug. She returned it automatically — instinct before thought — then remembered he had left her alone. She stepped back and sat down at their table.

Joe sat opposite her and began to speak.

"Mia, thank you for coming. There are things I need to say…" He paused, then repeated "Um, there are things I need to say, I made" a pause "Mistakes".

He stopped speaking and looked into her eyes.

"Honestly, I had this all planned out. Prepared. The perfect speech."

He shook his head.

"It's no good." He paused for what could have been a lifetime. Mia still had not spoken.

"I am an idiot. I reacted badly because I knew."

"I had messed up."

"I am my own biggest problem and I told myself to stop hurting you. I ran away because that's what I do."

"No. Because that's what I used to do."

Joe looked down at the tabletop, perhaps looking for resolve. He looked up again and focused on Mia.

"No more, Mia. I am here to do whatever you want me to do. I don't want to control this."

"I don't want to control you."

"I just want you with me. I just want to be with you"

Mia looked at him. She had thought her speech was ready. Instead it had flown away when he sat down and was no longer within her reach.

All that was left was to look at him and search for some new words.

After a few seconds she opened her mouth.

"Joe. You cannot ever leave me like that again. I don't care if it's you that fucks up or if it's me. I don't care if I shout and scream and tell you to go to hell. You cannot leave me alone again."

"Period."

"Understand?"

Joe nodded.

"You know I love you. I don't know if you understand how much I love you, it's a lot, more than I knew myself. I want to go back to where we were" Mia paused, a tremble had entered her voice and she wanted it to go away.

"but I need to know there will be some changes."

She took a deep breath.

"I love when you take control of things, I do. But I need to be involved too. I need to have control over my own life. If our life is together, you need to let me in"

"I don't expect everything immediately but make me see that you hear me" She still hadn't finished. Once she had started the words kept on coming.